how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
