that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
