allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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