New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
