a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
