you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
