DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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