I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
