I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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