Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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