there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I skipped work to stalk him.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
