She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
