You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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