She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
