I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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