where am i from again
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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