Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Still dying that you shit outside
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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