I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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