I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
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