Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
