I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
