idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
