forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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