So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
