last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
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