My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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