She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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