That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
