i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
