I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
