oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
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If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
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Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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