...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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