We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
