I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
