took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
