my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
