I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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