that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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