remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
