Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
