i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
