you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
