I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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