so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
