Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
