It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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