just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
