I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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