Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
