Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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