Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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