Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
