haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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