if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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