Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
