Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
