What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
