At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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